This might seem like an obvious thing to say but this MA by Research I seem to be trying to do is hard. I know that that is how it should be; it should challenge me, stretch me, make me think, make me write and make me question. But every time I open the Word document named ‘New MA Thesis November 2018 Draft’ I turn into a deer in headlights.
I feel paralysed with fear and stare at the first sentence in horror: ‘Things are omnipresent in time and space.’ This makes me feel slightly nauseated. My thought process goes as follows: Am I just stating the obvious? Of course things are everywhere, in time, and in space. Really? We all know that. Why do I need to say that? Is it a good way to start a thesis? I have no idea. It just doesn’t seem quite right. I don’t know what isn’t quite right, but it isn’t quite there.
So then what do I do when I have this thought every time I open the document? Open up this blog and write something here instead, this time about the fact that I blog here to avoid the Thesis. Is this a meta-blog? I quite like that idea. I am procrastinating on the writing as a serious MA student by writing less academic thoughts here. I find I can flow here so if I have to flow somewhere, better be here than nowhere.
The deadline is drawing a little nearer and I am supposed to be ‘writing’ this semester. It turns out I am, just not where I am supposed to be writing. This is the third or fourth time I have stopped and entered this blog this week alone.
Perhaps I should just let my fear go and it will flow. At least, I should stop wittering away here about not writing and go back into ‘New MA Thesis November 2018 Draft’ and write there instead. Darn it, I’ve run out of time. I have somewhere to go.
I will try again later this afternoon. Don’t be surprised if I think of something else to write about here by then. I won’t be.